Tues. August 14, 2024
Retirement Day #1872
Several years ago, I wrote a blog about how, at the age of 7, my myopia was discerned, identified, and corrected [https://www.everydaydances.com/post/wayside-miracles-the-bluebird-of-happiness]. Visual clarity was an unforgettable revelation; I’ve been grateful for the ability to see ever since.
But starting August of 2023, after a long adult existence with minimal change in vision needs, I suddenly experienced a significant increase in my myopia. Every morning, I woke up and noticed that my vision – with contact lenses in – seemed to be literally worse. Was my Body gaslighting me? Was it just dry eyes? Floaters? WTF? I turned a blind eye to the problem-
Until I couldn’t.
This spring, in desperation, I put lenses of lower prescription (left behind by my son many years ago) over my current lenses. NOT A RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION. But it DID clarify my vision, confirming that my eyes were, indeed, getting more myopic. I thoicked the second lenses out, called my Dr., and, after waiting too long (why do I always do that? ooooooh, that’s right- DENIAL), went for an appointment.
Diagnosis:”fast-growing cataracts” causing “myopic degeneration.” Dr. Kate, who’s been in the biz for a while, affirmed that while unusual, this was not uncommon. Interesting phrase.
In the blink of an eye - off to a surgeon I went: I needed a “retinal evaluation” to make sure my retinae were prepared for surgery - to add “retinal detachment” to this litany of woes was not to be contemplated. By some small kindness of the universe, I snagged an appointment 2wks after meeting with the surgeon, passed the retinae requirements, and am scheduled for cataract surgery at the end of this month.
All my life the world has been a colorful, messy impressionistic painting that I, with 20/1600 vision, could only negotiate with corrective lenses. I did the math: 59 years with glasses, 51 years with contacts, and given how long it takes for me to put glasses on/off, contacts in/out, I’ve spent nine months of my life just making sure I can walk out of the house without walking into a wall, or traffic, or off a cliff. With Cataract Surgery [I’m getting the fancy shmancy “Light Adjustable Lens”] I hope to have a whole new outlook on life: better vision, sharper colors, see through walls, spot mice 2miles away, snag moving tacos in the dark of night! What Mad Wizardry is this? RE-VISION!
“VISION” – the word has so many connotations. The possibility that this cosmic concept has a metaphorical bodily manifestation is tempting. What is your personal vision? Are you a visionary? What does it mean to be a visionary? Do you have a personal vision statement? What is your vision for the future? Can you see the path ahead? What do you see for your path? “I can see clearly now the rain is gone – I can see all obstacles in my way…..” In reflecting upon my history with glasses and contacts, two items related to vision possibly played into my metaphorical bodily manifestation: 1) I’ve always thought of myself as clumsy – it was a reputation I earned as a small child and never really unshackled from my sense of self. One of the reasons my parents enrolled me in dance classes [at 5] was to [hopefully] provide some basic coordination for their awkward child. In retrospect - perhaps my klemkadiddlehopper-ness had something to do with poor eyesight. 2) Even after I got glasses, I was not allowed to wear them in dance class. My movements were formed by imitating a blur, listening to instruction, feeling what was happening in my body, and attaching myself to the music. I learned – and loved - to dance from the inside-out. It wasn’t until I was 15, when I got contacts, that I could suddenly see myself in the studio mirror. My first thought was “so fat!” – the second was “great feet.” The [not uncommon] story of the corrosive power of that external judgement is a whole ‘nother blog.
This upcoming surgery, coinciding with retirement, is perhaps all part of a greater re-visioning for this stage of life. I wonder what’s on the path ahead.
We’ll see.
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